Ant Smith

All poems

Essence of man

(60+ euphemisms)

I've got an acorn that won't grow to an oak
I've got an apple on the end of a pole
I've got a bacon bazooka mid morning snack
And a beef bayonet when I'm on the slack
I've got a cheesy cherry picker cos I sure like my fruit
I've got a clammy clam digger, but my point it is mute
I've got a didgeridoo and a divining rod
I've got the low score in the game Donkey Kong
I've got a date with old Dr Cyclops
And somewhere I think he's got an elephant's trunk
I've got a fleshy flesh maggot and an ugly glue stick
I've got a bad hairy snake but be careful he spits
I've got a hammer of Thor and a tasty hot dog
I've got an ivory shaft and a hard iron rod
I've got Jim and the twins and a Jive Sausage syringe
I've got a Komodo dragon And a kinky dingaling
I've got a luncheon meat truncheon and a love busting bludgeon
I've got a Mr Magoo and a little meat balloon
I've got a needle, a nudger, a nail and a nag
An Optimus Prime and a one-eyed Jack Flash
I've got a purple pulsating pillar of power
A piston, a poker, a pounder of flowers
I've got a pink oboe and a peanut pecker
I've got a quick shot Sam and a quivering member
I've got a root of all evil and a Russian Sputnik
I've got a staff of life and a little swizzle stick
I've got a four inch punisher and a tonsil brush
A throbbing purple pneumatic drill of love
I've got an upright citizen, an uncle Dick
A Vlad the impaler and a vicious dink
I've got a womb raider, a willy and a wick
I've got an eXcaliber, and a double X prick
I've got a yam and a yang and a tasty yoghurt slinger
I've got a wow-zowie and a mini zipper ripper
I've got the very essence of every man
But I wish, I wish, I wish
I had About a half pound of ham
Yes I've got the very essence of every man
But I wish, I wish, I wish it would
Fill my hand