Ant Smith

All poems

So much of who I am

So much of who I am
was meant to make him proud.
‘and I’m sure he was’, proclaimed the crowd
But still,
with what can I fill my life now?
Nothing.
For a time.
For how long? God only knows…
I thought six months. Then nine…
But now,
god only knows…
I thought it would crush me -
and my guilty secret is that somehow I survived,
Survived the worst day of my life…
Nothing can be said.
Precious little cam be done.
It’s all a fearful mess
And what am I?
Nothing,
For a time,
if not my father’s son

I wish he’d taught me,
to believe in ghosts
cause I want to feel he’s near me
cause I can’t let go
I felt protected,
cause I was my father’s son
But now I fear,.
I feel my shield has gone
and I just want him,
back here beside my side
I don’t want to, say my last goodbyes.
And I just want him
To still be in my life.
And I just want him,
back beside my side